Red State Voting Guide

29 Oct

In what has been a divided country, the “Red States” have had the pleasure of delivering not one but two Geroge W Bush Presidencies to the nation.  Those victories have been attributed to Karl Rove’s 2000 annexation of the Relgious Right  (Bush, a god-fearing, down-home, let’s-have-a-beer-with-him rancher, was one of ‘them’) and 2004’s gay marriage fear tactics.  Luckily, the 2008 election is without Bush and Rove, and voters are actually in the position of having to consider substantive issues.  This would, indeed, constitute progress.  The Hangover wishes to ease the fear of Red State voters.  Even if forced to vote on policy, there are still plenty of good reasons to remain in your comfort zone and cast your ballot for the Republican, John McCain.  

The two main areas to consider are Iraq and the Economy. 


As one might guess, the former Navy man and POW is a bit of a hawk.

A January McCain Q and A with reporters:

Q: President Bush has talked about our staying in Iraq for 50 years — ” (cut off by McCain)

McCain: “Make it a hundred.”

Q: “Is that …” (cut off)

McCain: “We’ve been in South Korea … we’ve been in Japan for 60 years.  We’ve been in South Korea 50 years or so.  That would be fine with me.  As long as Americans …”

Q: [tries to say something]

McCain: “As long as Americans are not being injured or harmed or wounded or killed. That’s fine with me, I hope that would be fine with you, if we maintain a presence in a very volatile part of the world where Al Queada is training and equipping and recruiting and motivating people every single day.

August 2008

McCain:  “Victory in Iraq is finally in sight.”

Apparently, Senator McCain can see a long way into the future.  That’s a real bonus for a President.

Result:  If you think that the war that has cost 4188 American lives (with only 30,000-plus wounded) and a long term American presence in Iraq is a good idea, you can feel good about voting for John McCain. 

Bonus reason:  McCain claims to know how to “get Osama bin Laden.”  It’s too bad he’s been too busy campaigning for the last seven years to tell George W. how to get that done.



Free Trade:

There’s little doubt that American companies have been exporting manufacturing jobs to our NAFTA partners and third world nations.  It’s more profitable to produce products in places with slave wage pay scales and little if any environmental restriction.  But while the American manufacturing base has lost jobs, the service industry has grown and will continue to do so.  

McCain’s views on free trade are readily apparent:

McCAIN: “I am a free trader.”  (10-15-2008)

McCain from the National Politcal Awareness Test 2004

Q: Do you support the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA)?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you support the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT)?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you support continued U.S. membership in the World Trade Organization (WTO)?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you support the trade embargo against Cuba?

A: Yes.

Q: Should trade agreements include provisions to address environmental concerns and to protect workers’ rights?

A: No.

Result:  If you’re happy to give up that exhausting manufacturing job at Ford, GE, or any other factory in the area formerly known as the Industrial Heartland, you’re in luck with John McCain.  Give him your vote.

Bonus Reason:  You’ll likely be able to enjoy a career at Burger King, Wendy’s, or dare-to-dream Applebee’s.  You might get to meet Ronald McDonald.


Deregulation has brought us the Savings and Loan Scandal of the ’80’s and ’90’s, astronomical gas prices, Enron and the like, and the current financial crisis.   

In a 2003 interview with CNN:

John McCain: I am a deregulator. I believe in deregulation.”

In April, 2008

McCain:  “I am for less government, less regulation.”

September 21, 2008

Q: In 1999, you were one of the senators who helped pass deregulation of Wall Street. Do you regret that now?

McCAIN: “No. I think the deregulation was probably helpful to the growth of our economy.”

Result:  If you believe, as John McCain does, that big business knows what’s best for the country and will operate their businesses in an ethical manner that will benefit all of us, then feel good about casting your vote for John McCain.  After all, what are the odds that we taxpayers will have to pony up another 700 billion to bailout the financial industries, 153 billion for the Savings and Loans, 25 billion to the automakers, or a measly 400 million to AIG? 

Bonus Reason:  If we keep getting to bail out all these industries, maybe we’ll be able to claim the capital  losses on our own taxes.


2 Responses to “Red State Voting Guide”

  1. Chilly Nate November 5, 2008 at 6:50 am #

    Wednesday November 5th 2008

    Happy now Al?

  2. alguschip November 5, 2008 at 8:05 am #

    Yes. Although I’m sorry you’re going to lose your Bush-generated tax cut.

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