Reasons to Watch the Republican National Convention

1 Sep

The Republican National Convention should provide compelling television viewing this week.  Nothing’s more engaging than a bunch of aged, rich white guys (and one hot Governor Babe) telling the rest of the country what’s good for them. 

Eschew your usual shows and HBO movies and tune in because:

  • There is a battle of “larger forces” playing out right before our eyes.  It’s Karma and Nature versus The Bible Thumpers and Big Business.  This will be a battle more epic than Midway, more psychotic than Apocalypse Now, and more futile than The Alamo.  That’s right:  The Republican Administration totally disregarded and ignored post-Katrina New Orleans and now Hurricane Gustav has risen from a Globally-Warmed Atlantic to remind everyone how inept Republicans as a group can be.   Gustav will undercut and shadow what should have been the Republican spotlight.  Republican spin will be off the charts on Bill Simmon’s Unintentional Comedy Scale
  • Due to US Open tennis coverage, WWE broadcasts will be limited this week.  That means fewer spandex-clad lady wrestlers gracing the airwaves.  In a move to counter this crisis, John McCain has provided the country with Sarah Palin.  Thank you, Candidate McCain.
Vice President Palin is no wrestler in spandex, but she's not bad.

Candidate Palin: No master of the flying dropkick, but not bad.

  • If Weird Science is more your thing, you can hope that Sarah Palin gets to address the Convention on education.  She believes that creationism should be taught alongside evolution:   

                       “Teach both.  You know, don’t be afraid of information…Healthy debate is so important and it’s so valuable in our schools.  I am a proponent of teaching both.  And you know, I say this too as a daughter of a science teacher.” 

Perhaps she’ll get the chance to clarify if she’d like the Easter Bunny taught along with photosynthesis every spring.  And maybe she can mandate that Santa and his reindeer be discussed with NASA and rockets when the kids are learning about space flight. 

(It also makes me wonder how good a science teacher her father was.  And it’s hard to miss that Palin’s pose on Vogue echoes that of Kelly LeBrock’s on the Weird Science poster.)

  • If you enjoy the Psychic Hotline infomercials, you might spend your evenings this week flipping between the Weather Channel and the Convention.   Who can tell us which would screw up the country worse?  Another four years of Republican leadership or Hurricane Gustav.  See the reality play out against the possibilities.   
  • If you’re missing ’70’s reruns, you can find a couple much odder than Oscar and Felix:  It’s John and Sarah.  He’s a cranky, ninety-something former POW.  She’s a librarian-hot, forty-ish former Alaskan sportscaster.  Can two crazy Republicans share an Oval Office without driving the rest of the country crazy? 

3 Responses to “Reasons to Watch the Republican National Convention”

  1. Chilly Nate September 2, 2008 at 5:51 am #

    Question: How many subscibers does The Hangover have?

  2. alguschip September 2, 2008 at 9:33 am #

    Plenty. And….?

  3. Chilly Nate September 2, 2008 at 5:14 pm #

    And… I can hit the tennis ball any day this week, but I have to be home by 7:00PM so I can tune into the RNC coverage on FOX News. Nothing’s more engaging than a bunch of aged, rich white guys, like me, (and one hot Governor Babe) telling the rest of the country what’s good for them.

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