Sox Stud Set (With Pet) For Success

19 Mar

The Clay Buchholz gossip is ripping through New England and Red Sox Nation.  Several sources revealed that the young pitcher is dating 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year Erica Ellyson. This first came out on the Howard Stern show a few days ago and then was confirmed by Buchholz’s dad on Boston’s WZLX.  That’s what The Hangover calls quality reporting.

One of The Hangover’s correspondents is worried by these developments.  He fears this relationship might be a nefarious plot to distract and discombobulate the rookie pitcher, engineered by the Yankees with Hank Steinbrenner (the brains) and Johnny Damon (the muscle) doing the dirty work of setting up the kid.  Sox Nation can rest easy, however.    

Being a shrewd judge of human nature and a student of history, The Hangover realizes this “hook up” practically insures that Buchholz will reach the potential he showed last season (by throwing a no-hitter).  The Hangover predicts that our man Clay will emerge as a dominating, top-of-the-rotation starter.  He’ll be a menace in October, too.

One needs to look no further than Josh Beckett to see what happens to a young Texas pitcher when he finds a knockout celebrity girlfriend.   Beckett has been linked to lingerie model and Fox Sports personality Leann Tweeden, as well as country singer Danielle Peck (who, as his ex-, sang the National Anthem before a playoff game he pitched and won against the Indians last fall, speaking of nefarious schemes).  Has there been a more dominating pitcher than Beckett in recent playoff history?  Certainly not.  The connection has to be more than coincidence.  Even the oft-injured Carl Pavano pitched the best ball of his career in the 2003 World Series, the exact point in time he began seeing Allysa Milano.  If this pitcher-goddess dynamic bears itself out with Buchholz (as The Hangover is certain it will), we recommend the Sox skip the White House next year and head straight for the Playboy Mansion.    

All signs point to a big year for Clay.  In every way possible. 


4 Responses to “Sox Stud Set (With Pet) For Success”

  1. HandsomeJim March 21, 2008 at 12:23 pm #

    Caution, my good man. We need to know more about this young woman and her ample assets. We need to know how stable she is. Remember when Tom Brady was dating the completely insane Tara Reid? Result: some shaky games until Tom cut the knot. As one who knows first hand the fragile psyche of an elite athlete, I can say that Tom was not able to focus on the preparation for the game while worried that Wilmer Valderamma and Ruben Stoddard were doing tequila shots from Tara’s navel back in LA. I suggest The Hangover provide his readers with as many free web links to Ms. Ellison’s ouevre as possible.

  2. Chilly Nate March 22, 2008 at 11:18 am #

    Did you happen to notice the babe I was with last night? Hot chicks are not limited to superstar athletes.

  3. alguschip March 22, 2008 at 4:35 pm #

    Chily Nate,
    Using this blog to score points with your wife puts you at risk of being placed on Double Secret Probation.

  4. Chilly Nate March 23, 2008 at 11:20 am #

    Holy shit! That was my wife? I thought it seemed fairly easy to get to second base that night.

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