Spitzer Pays For It

11 Mar

It turns out that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is the worst kind of politician:  One who can’t get sex without paying for it.  Isn’t his name the first clue?  Sorority girls must have giggled uncontrollably when hearing it at Princeton keg parties.  Even with a title like Governor, it couldn’t have been easy for Eliot (snicker) Spitzer (Give me a break).  

The Hangover is not opposed to legislators blowing off steam as long as it is with another consenting adult.  After all, politicians can be under a lot of stress and in need of release.  Given the fat-headedness one must possess to believe that thousands or millions of people will vote for them, it’s reasonable to expect such egos might need stroking in other ways, too.  That doesn’t mean those politicians lack the aptitude for running a state or leading a country.  Getting caught up with paid-for hookers sure casts some doubts, though. 

In 1988, Gary Hart, the most progressive and insightful candidate in the presidential race, had his primary bid implode when he was caught cheating with Donna Rice (not your average bimbo) on a boat fittingly called “Monkey Business.”  At the time, The Hangover was a resident of New Hampshire and voting in the all-important first in the nation primary.   A pre-primary favorite, Hart’s numbers vanished faster than dollar bills in a strip club.  But as Hart remained the best candidate in the race regarding policy and platform, The Hangover voted for him anyway.   I shocked a reporter doing an exit poll by answering “Gary Hart” when she asked who I had supported.  When she asked why, I added, “Because he stands for everything I believe in.”  Surprisingly, the reporter was not interested in having dinner with The Hangover that night–or any other night.

At first, one might be inclined to give Spitzer some credit.   He’s loaded and was spending his own money as he saw fit.  He wasn’t driving around picking up transvestites like former A’s pitcher Dave Stewart.  He wasn’t getting over on a same-sex, seventeen year-old Congressional page like Gary Studds.  Consider that Hugh Grant got nabbed with Hollywood streetwalker Divine Brown, and his girlfriend at the time was Elizabeth Hurley.  The quality of Spitzer’s chosen escorts eclipsed even those that Charlie Sheen corralled in his Heidi Fleiss days.  And, apparently, no blue dresses were harmed in the making of this scandal.

The Hangover has done some investigative reporting.  The Emperor’s Club VIP web site is as of this writing currently down, either in hiding or bludgeoned by rich bastards in a state of over-excitement.  However, we unearthed some Club pages here.  Screen shots of the lingerie clad escorts offered tasteful Playboy-ish poses with hidden faces.  The girls are in technical terms, hot.  What The Hangover found next was unsettling.

The escorts’ pictures were accompanied by some disturbing descriptions:  They consisted of the “playful and sensuous” cliches and “vivacious and agreeable” bullshit.  For up to $5,500 an hour, the prospective John should get more than standard Playmate of the Month patter.  It only got worse as favorite perfumes, chocolates, flowers, and cocktails were also listed.  So the wealthy client not only has to pony up for sex plus tip, he’s expected to shop for gifts like a nervous boyfriend.   The names of the models were also disappointing:  Anais, Maya, Marina, Josephine, etc..,.  For that kind of dough, one would think that a guy could get some good stripper-ease like Brandi, Candy, or Destiny. 

It’s that kind of information which caused The Hangover to lose respect for Governor Spitzer.  No capable leader would get fleeced like that.

Of course, The Hangover is not an expert in these matters (Are you reading Mrs. Hangover?).  For a professional view, The Hangover recommends Heidi Fleiss’s well qualified and thoughtful opinion.     


12 Responses to “Spitzer Pays For It”

  1. Chilly Nate March 12, 2008 at 4:16 pm #

    Let’s play “Name That Party”.

    I’ll pause here and ask if THO really wants a reply from a far right conservative?

  2. alguschip March 12, 2008 at 4:53 pm #

    It’s easy to name that party. The politician was a man and the sexual partner was a woman. That means Democrat.

    If you would like to see how the Republicans handle these matters, I suggest you google “Larry Craig.”

  3. Chilly Nate March 12, 2008 at 6:36 pm #

    Oh, I see. However, that makes Craig an Independant because he’s bi-sexual, he likes men and boys.

  4. Chilly Nate March 13, 2008 at 12:01 am #

    (You might want a vomit bag handy for this one.)
    I’ve had the luxury of being able to watch every captivating moment of this “tragedy” and it really “climaxed” today when Gov. Eliot Spitzer walked into the press room in Manhatten to annouce his resignation. And it wasn’t the substance of the “assembly” or the “punishment” for the “crime” that made these last two days of drama well worth the three minute finale. However it was the look on Mrs. Spitzer’s face. She looked really tired and very upset. And I felt really bad for her. But she was there, by her husbands side, helping him (for the moment) get through a very difficult day.

  5. Man from Monkeytown March 13, 2008 at 3:44 am #

    Eliot Spitzer is, I am told, a billionaire; not just any old billionaire — a billionaire who was on his way to the top of the Democratic Party. And he blew everything on some trysts with a 22 yr. old whore? Hmmm. I say fine — natural selection at work, baby. He’s an idiot and she deserves a medal for yanking — you heard right, yanking — Spitzer out of the game in the early innings before the game gets out of hand.

    How beautifully ironic that Spitzer’s resignation signals:

    — one more Clinton superdelegate lost
    — countless photos of Spitzer and HRC together, ready made for Drudge
    — the ascension of a blind black man to the highest office in NY (Obama must be drawing inspiration from all of this.)

    What a country!

  6. alguschip March 13, 2008 at 3:01 pm #

    Boo hoo for poor Mrs. Spitzer, the billionairess. I don’t know anyone who would put up with that kind of behavior from their spouse. Yet, time and time again these political and celebrity wives choose to go Tammy Wynette and stand by their man. Is it that they are addicted to the power and privelege, too? Do the money and fame make it worth hanging with a spouse who is a lying, cheating sleazeball?

  7. aaron, of course March 13, 2008 at 6:54 pm #

    Boy these sex scandals sure are FUN.

    Hey! Who’s your favorite adultering president of all time, JFK or WJC? The footage of Marylin Monroe singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to JFK always makes me sad. Jackie O. was sitting right next to him. How humiliating it must have been for her. And Bobby K. was enjoying the fruits of MM’s loins as well!

    And that Barbara Walters’ interview with Bill and Hill after all those…um…’sexual relations’ RIGHT THERE IN THE OVAL OFFICE!!! Like THO says, Hill went all Tammy Wynette on us. But I guess it could have been worse. After all, none of the rape accusations stuck!! Who knows, maybe the FIFTH one would have. ‘Read my lips America. I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman…(girl?)…Monica Lewinsky.’ who is only a few years older than my very own daughter. Hey, she liked it under my desk, and I had a few cigars lying around so…and I don’t recall her ever wearing a blue dress but apperently she did. How am I, the leader of the free world, supposed to control myself anyway? Since when isn’t it ok for the penultimate law enforcement official in the land to lie under oath in a sworn deposition? Did you know I was disbarred in Arkansas? And don’t get me started on the ‘witch hunt’ that led to my impeachement. C’mon, who DOESN’T cheat on their wives and then lie about it? ALL my cool friends are doing it.

    Ok, I added those last few lines, but I bet Bill was thinking them.

    Who’s partners were younger, Gerry Studds or Barnie Frank’s? I guess you’re only skewered if you send an email or tap your foot, but actually DOING the deed is a-ok!

    Has Chandry Levy’s murder ever been solved. Methinks NOT. Gary Condit initially denied having an affair with her (he was 53, she was 23, only 2 years younger than HIS OWN DAUGHTER), and then admit it (he also was found to have had ANOTHER affair, with a flight attendant).

    And I’ll end my post with a name…Gary Hart.

    And another…(former) Governor of NJ, Jim McGreevey.

    And another, former mayor of Washington DC, Marion Barry. Caught on surveylance smoking crack in a hotel with a hooker.

    Oh, and Ted Kennedy’s car has STILL killed more people than…than…just about anything I can think of.

  8. alguschip March 13, 2008 at 7:27 pm #

    Think of George W Bush and Iraq.

  9. aaron, of course March 13, 2008 at 9:12 pm #

    I think of the 800 Americans killed by Muslim extremists from November 1979 up to but not including 9/11.

    Does the phrase ‘Death to America’ ring a bell? It’s what the Iranians were shouting as they invaded the US embassy in Iran in 11/79. The Marines were ordered to NOT defend the embassy, themselves or the others present. 52 Americans were held captive for 444 days. The first of the 800 American casualties were 8 of the rescuers sent in to liberate the illegally detained prisoners.

    Some think that if the US had made a stand then, that all of the subsequent events may have been different. In any event, the first conflict between militant islam and the US resulted in complete capitulation by the US and an empowering and emboldenning of our attackers.

    I guess some people think we should do more of that?

    BTW, the brother of our president at the time (the now loony Jimmy Carter)was a paid agent of Libya! Joe McCarthy must’ve rolled in his grave.

    Sex scandals be damned! lol

  10. alguschip March 14, 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    I thought all Billy Carter did was drink beer.

    Are you aware of who were George W’s guests in Texas when he was Governor? That’s right, The Taleban. The same guys we are fighting in Afghanistan.

  11. aaron, of course March 14, 2008 at 10:59 pm #

    LOL. That’s the ruse. It’s like ‘Who, me? An agent of one of our enemies? I’m just sitting here drinking beer/producing movies/busy being secretary of state/running for nominee of the democrat party etc. Take your pick. And then BAM! You get a knife in the back.

    Of all the things I’ve heard over the past 8 years about our president that’s something I’m NOT familiare with. I find it highly unlikely, though.

  12. Man from Monkeytown March 16, 2008 at 3:41 pm #

    As evident by the Taliban’s visit to Crawford and last summer’s “lobster summit”, the Bushes have no shame using the oval office to serve their constituency: their own wallets.

    Vladimir Putin visited the Bush family estate this past summer thinly veiled under the guise of a discussion around missile defense. Let’s be real: Putin was here on personal business, to cut the Bush family empire in on the trillions in oil that lies beneath the Ural mountains, the largest reservoir of crude on the planet. The trillions that will be made when Russia delivers this oil throughout Europe and the rest of the world…..while America turns a blind eye.


    Why this trip got very little media play is astounding to me. Both leaders are (or, in light of Putin’s recent power grab, at least WERE )both the lamest of lame ducks. If not for personal and financial reasons, why would such a gathering take place?

    Poppy, not his impotent son, the President, greeted Putin in Sanford at the airport. I would venture a guess that it was Poppy, not W, who did most of the talking. This speaks volumes doesn’t it?

    This, to me, is the biggest insult to the polis. We fought a war some 232 years ago to escape a benevolent dictator named King George and to establish a more perfect union of the people, by the people, for the people. And now we find ourselves subjugated to a malevolent ruler of the same name.

    Where’s Shakespeare when you need him most? This will make a helluva screenplay someday when we get our sense of humor back.

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