Vice President Dick Cheney has some strong beliefs and he tends to communicate them clearly. In recent interviews, however, Cheney has made some comments that the average American might find confusing. In the Hangover’s never-ending commitment to public service, we have translated them below:
From an interview with ABC White House correspondent Martha Raddatz:
Raddatz: “Two-third of Americans say it’s (the war in Iraq) not worth fighting.”
Cheney: “So?”
Translation: “Fuck you, citizens. You’re the ones who voted us in. Live with it or move to Canada, (as if any of you morons could even find Canada).”
Cheney: “I think you cannot be blown off course by the fluctuations in the public opinion polls. There has in fact been fundamental change and transformation and improvement for the better.”
Translation: “There has been great change. My friends at the oil companies are enjoying record profits. So are my pals at Halliburton and their subsidiaries. My portfolio has never looked better. That’s the kind of change we can be proud of.”
And from his speech to American troops in Iraq:
Cheney: (Following 9/11) “So the United States made a decision: To hunt down the evil of terrorism and kill it where it grows, to hold the supporters of terror to account, and to confront regimes that harbor terrorists and threaten the peace.”
Translation: “It (9/11) was a good excuse to go into Iraq and grab their oil. Who cares if Osama Bin Laden is still running around free while hooked up to his dialysis machine? We’ve got Iraq’s oil. Yipppeeee!”
Cheney: “They (the Iraqis) know, above all, that America can be trusted.”
Translation: “The Iraqis know that America can be trusted–to take their oil, to sell them Coke and Pepsi, to bring MTV to the region, and, hell, if we can get those women out of their burqas, you can bet your ass we’ll put up a few Victoria’s Secrets, too.”
Cheney: (To the Troops:) “I appreciate your attention this morning — it’s been my privilege to be with all of you. Keep up the great work. And thank you for what you do for all of us. “
Translation: “It’s a privilege to be here with you troops, who are actually serving your country out of a sense of duty. And thank you for what you do for me personally–making it possible for my buddies and me to make off with piles and piles of loot.”
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